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Somebody Call the Fashion Police!
(Guys, you might not wanna read this one)


In the world of fashion, anything goes these days. At least, that’s the way I view it. I see so many outfits walking through KOHLS that I think are down right ugly. Jeans that are ripped even though their brand, spanking new from the factory (by the way, you pay $60 for them), shirts that show what we don’t want to see, and skirts/shorts that show off your bohunkus. Ladies, Mariah Carrey shows the world enough skin to cover for us all.
As for this ripped jeans thing, I don’t understand. If I’m going to buy a new pair of jeans, I’m not spending big mulah on a pair that looks like they’ve already been worn for 10 years. If you want some torn jeans, do Good Wheel a favor and take some ragged pair off their hands. They’ll only cost you three bucks and you’ll be doing the overstocked store some good.
Low cut shirts: they’re very much the hot item on the market. Some are also very revealing. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying we should all dress like Nuns. I have some tops that are cut somewhat generously and I feel okay about them. It’s when you’re displaying what doesn’t need to be shown that there’s a problem. Just today walking around school, I was flashed by someone else’s… property. Ya’ll, this creates a stumbling block for guys. They don’t need to see more of what we women have than what’s already out there on T.V.
The problem isn’t just in the shortness of the neck. It includes the length, too. I know we can’t help it if we bend over and our backs are showing. That’s understandable. It’s these shirts that go above the waistline of your jeans that pass the limit. Now when you bend over you’re showing off the small of your back if not more. Same line from above, we don’t have to dress like Nuns. Tight, shorter shirts are cool by my standards; I can’t stand tops that hang down to my knees and are severely baggy. Once again though, there’s a limit. When you wear tops that are too short and jeans that are cut low, sometimes we see your underwear… or whatever. I won’t go into that, but I’m sure you understand what I mean. It’s really disgusting. No one wants to see your rear end because your tops are too small.
Going into the whole rear end thing, let’s talk about shorts and skirts. Summer will be here before you know it (bikinis, the beach, summer nights, aren’t we all ready?) and all the hot stores will be putting out summer apparel. At school, we have the retarded rule that shorts/skirts must be “4 inches above the knee caps.” In my opinion, this is ridiculous. There is no way you’re going to be able to find shorts that are that long unless they are Bermuda shorts. That rule is really dumb. But, I’m not giving ya’ll permission to run down to Aeropostale and buy the shortest skirt/shorts you can get your hands on. There’s also a limit on this subject. In my opinion, the length of your shorts/skirts depends on your body. Some of us are tall and some of us are squatty. Whatever you feel comfortable in is what you should go with. Know though, that if your butt is visible at the edge of the shorts/skirt you’re trying on, they’re definitely too short. Into the whole argument we go with “shorts are shorts, they’re supposed to be short.” Yes, this is true, but there is a point where you have “short shorts.” Have I given you a headache yet? Good, let’s keep going. “Short shorts” are the articles of clothing that are about a whole 2-3 inches worth of fabric. That’s right, you pay $15-$25 for shorts, but because of how much fabric is put into them, they should be worth about $5. No one wants to see the tops of your thighs; none of us have that great of legs! The same applies with skirts. I feel comfortable in shorts that are between the school required length and the too short length. This is probably about 5-6 inches of fabric. It sounds like a lot, but it really isn’t. If you really want to have some short shorts, go with about 4 to 4 1/2 inches of fabric. These are okay as long as they fit you all right. Like I said, it all depends on your body type.
And so, there you have it, Aryn’s ramblings on fashion. If some of you think some old granny that prefers petticoats and cotton dresses has raised me, fine. To use Burger King’s slogan, “Have It Your Way.” If you think I don’t worry about if what I’ve got on is cool, you’ve got another thought coming. I do. Let’s face it, we all do. Just keep this in mind though, what might be “in,” won’t be in about 6 months. Then you’ll have to go clean out your closet and get an entire new wardrobe. This process will repeat itself up until you’re in the ground dead. You want my advice? Buy the things you think are cute (and appropriate, don’t let me have spent an hour typing this in vain). If they’re in style, great, that’s all the better by the world’s standard. If not, go on ahead and get it because chances are in a few months, that item will be the next big thing. Then you’ll just be one step ahead of the game! Now, go shop till you drop!

~ Aryn P.